Archive for the ‘French Capital Hotel’ Category

Celebrities I Don’ Wanna Hear About No More

August 31, 2006

French Capital Hotel (duh!) . . . Eva Longoria . . . Anyone with fake breasts (this means you, Pamela Anderson Whatever and Carmen Electra, among others) . . . anyone who’s ever been on any reality show other than The Real World . . . That Federline Doofus . . . That DJ AM doofus . . . I’d say Lindsay Lohan, but I’m into authentic redheads and/or other wacky Irish chicks (it’s the freckles, man!) and just wish she’d eat more . . . T0m Cru1se (c’mon, he’s not gonna renounce that cult anytime soon) . . . Mel Gibson (I vote him to be latest cast member killed off the island on “Lost.”  Because that’s what happens to actors who drive drunk on that show.) . . . Whitney Houston (note to Joel McHale:  the crack whore jokes aren’t funny anymore no matter how true they are.) . . . Billy Bush . . . I know this list should be longer, but it’s the sinus infection, man!  C’mon, I need help.  (Do NOT add the name of any cast member of Gilmore Girls or I will have to hurt you.) . . . Jessica Simpson . . . Ashlee Simpson . . . OJ Simpson (That’s the name of their dad, right?) . . . Nick Lachey . . . Drew Lachey . . . Lance Bass . . . Anyone who’s ever been on American Idol but Kelly Clarkson . . . Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their kids . . . Jennifer Aniston [Jimmy Kimmel] unless she poses for Playboy and I finally get to see her nipples [/Jimmy Kimmel] . . . Vince Vaughn . . . Anyone whose video has been played in slow motion on Entertainment Tonight or The Insider in the past six months . . . Star Jones . . . just please, make it all stop.  It hurts just like my sinus infection to hear about them.  So who’s your celebrity sinus infection?

Stricken From the Record

August 22, 2006

That no-talent blonde trollop who keeps polluting the airwaves and E! will only be referred to by me as “French Capital Hotel” if, by some quirk of bad luck, I by necessity must refer to her.  Please join in on the slut evasion.  It only encourages her if you don’t.