Archive for August, 2006

Celebrities I Don’ Wanna Hear About No More

August 31, 2006

French Capital Hotel (duh!) . . . Eva Longoria . . . Anyone with fake breasts (this means you, Pamela Anderson Whatever and Carmen Electra, among others) . . . anyone who’s ever been on any reality show other than The Real World . . . That Federline Doofus . . . That DJ AM doofus . . . I’d say Lindsay Lohan, but I’m into authentic redheads and/or other wacky Irish chicks (it’s the freckles, man!) and just wish she’d eat more . . . T0m Cru1se (c’mon, he’s not gonna renounce that cult anytime soon) . . . Mel Gibson (I vote him to be latest cast member killed off the island on “Lost.”  Because that’s what happens to actors who drive drunk on that show.) . . . Whitney Houston (note to Joel McHale:  the crack whore jokes aren’t funny anymore no matter how true they are.) . . . Billy Bush . . . I know this list should be longer, but it’s the sinus infection, man!  C’mon, I need help.  (Do NOT add the name of any cast member of Gilmore Girls or I will have to hurt you.) . . . Jessica Simpson . . . Ashlee Simpson . . . OJ Simpson (That’s the name of their dad, right?) . . . Nick Lachey . . . Drew Lachey . . . Lance Bass . . . Anyone who’s ever been on American Idol but Kelly Clarkson . . . Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and their kids . . . Jennifer Aniston [Jimmy Kimmel] unless she poses for Playboy and I finally get to see her nipples [/Jimmy Kimmel] . . . Vince Vaughn . . . Anyone whose video has been played in slow motion on Entertainment Tonight or The Insider in the past six months . . . Star Jones . . . just please, make it all stop.  It hurts just like my sinus infection to hear about them.  So who’s your celebrity sinus infection?

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The Secret to Alka-Seltzer is . . .

August 31, 2006

. . . use less water.  I’ve often made the mistake of filling an 8-oz glass full of water and then plopping Alka-Seltzer Cold-Plus into it, thus making me pee a lot more often.  But the reality is, less water — about a third of a glass — will make the Alka-Seltzer more concentrated and it’ll hit you a lot faster and a lot better than if you fill any old glass to the top and then add the tablets.

Yep, I warned y’all I had a sinus infection.  This is what happens.  You get directions on how to use Alka-Seltzer.

NOTE:  Some of my comments sections I feel turn into columns in themselves.  I’ll try to retroactively recategorize the initial post in any given thread by the gist of the comments if/when things go in a specific direction, as they did here with discussion of Lauren Graham and her newly announced guest-stint on Studio 60. 

Okay, That’s Enough of the Lollygagging About

August 31, 2006

Yes, I’m back.  I’m still not 100% — if I go too much into the fact that I’ve pretty much discovered that my definitely-existent Geodone OD morphed into a sinus infection around Monday or so, you’d think I was Astro City creator and current Superman writer Kurt Busiek.  So instead of delaying new blog posts any longer, I’m just gonna start posting again and see what happens.  In that respect, I’m kinda happy that the Geodone OD turned into the sinus infection because it means that I can’t take any long car trips right now or the changes in pressure will give me screaming headaches, so there’s an upside to everything.  It also means that if I produce any particularly weird blog entries they will entertain me tremendously.

Coming up, I’ll be taking a look at the season premiere of Bones (hint: I enjoyed it.  And the New Gal.  A lot.), a second look at Three Moons Over Milford, a look at the just-completed third of The 4400 (or is that The 22,000?) and a review of the second episode of Prison Break, which, heh, I can’t watch until I tape the repeat on Friday night because I mistakenly taped a repeat of How I Met Your Mother in half of its place on Monday nights because it has a higher rank on my DVR’s priority list than Prison Break does.  [snark] Kudos to Fox for making this possible by having no attention span for programming any regular series on Friday nights. [/snark]

Temporary Absence

August 28, 2006

Turns out I got prescribed waaaaay too strong a dose of the mood stabilizer for my bipolar, so I’ve been very drowsy the entire past week trying to fight it off.  I’m going to take it easy for a couple of days and will return with reviews of this week’s Prison Break and Bones and go more into detail about the Fun of Accidentally Overdosing on Your Own Prescription as soon as I stop falling asleep at the keyboard every two hours.

Okay, Here’s How the Reviews are Gonna Work

August 28, 2006

1) Pretty much the only show that I’m guaranteeing to write a review for every episode this season is Gilmore Girls. 

2) Any absence of a review for any given show is not to be taken as any indication of what I think of it.  Like you, I’m just watching a lot of TV shows and there’s just not enough time in the day to cover them all even IF I stopped watch CSI, CSI: Miami, Law & Order and SVU.  BTW, Mariska Hargitay sure looked purty up there onstage getting her Emmy last night, but she sure didn’t deserve the Emmy for that episode (the terribly-acted, terribly-directed, blatantly obvious and blatantly obviously Emmy-bait-ish “911.”)  But I digress . . .

3) My reviews may be full reviews with letter grades or they may be general commentary about the gist and/or general direction of the show.  Yes, IMO, the graded reviews should be considered to carry more weight.  Conversely, ungraded commentary will almost always be intended to voice concerns abot the show that I am hoping that its creators address in the near future and such concerns will then likely be the focus of at least one fully graded review of a given episode *when I feel like it.*  Or, sometimes, all you might get is ungraded commentary.

3a) If given enough lead time, I do take requests, but only about scripted fiction.  No reality shows, no nature documentaries, no gory real-life hospital stories on Discovery Health.  I’m all about the stories.

4) I’ll admit it now:  I’m a screener whore.  Hint, hint. 

Edited to change a LOT of typos and clarify a phrase or three.  I didn’t sleep much last night.

Do You REALLY Wanna Know My Opinion of Three Moons Over Milford?

August 28, 2006

It shamelessly steals from Gilmore Girls — I mean, the main character is a rich, hot MILF named Laura, for crying out loud.  Small, wacky New England Town with odd town meetings.  Teenage daughter who’s too nice to be into the stuff that she’s strangely drawn to.  Then it steals from Joey’s Creek by having Lorelai’s Laura’s son, the show’s Pacey, sleep with an older woman.  Then it steals from Ed by having the Lauralai’s main love interest be a scrappy, goofy lawyer with mother issues of his own.  I swear, if I start hearing Sam Phillips’ La-la’s *I’m* gonna sue the show.

I could say more about how I find all the shameless theft from other, greater shows, is annoying me, but I won’t.  What I’ll be looking for is signs of it breaking away from its very obviously stolen source material influences.

Hey, Didja Notice My Sidebar Grew?

August 28, 2006

My Prison Break review is just the first of many reviews of many shows. It’ll grow even more as shows start getting into gear.  What I won’t be doing is adding any shows whose seasons end in the next couple of weeks (The 4400) until the starts of their next seasons.  I’ve already created categories for many of the shows I’m going to watch and review, so expect that list to get longer soon.

Review: Prison Break Season Premiere 8-21-06

August 27, 2006

I’ll try to have the episode titles in the headers for each show that I review, but this time it escapes me (mostly because it’s late at night).

John Billingsley’s loss as the President’s brother is the show’s gain.  I loved Billingsley as Dr. Phlox, but he seemed rather heavy handed in the first season.  His replacement in the role, Jeff Perry, is one of the few times where recasting a role in a primetime show works.  Perry brings much more range to the character, making the death of Veronica all the more tragic.

And speaking of the death of Veronica — Sorry, but I ain’t gonna do spoiler warnings.  You read at your own risk.  I’ll miss Veronica because I still have warm fuzzy hormones feelings for her from The Craft, but still, her demise showed how being out on a limb by yourself in the most deadly situation can get you killed and suggests that the Prison Breakers’ best chance to stay alive, clear Linc and get D.B. Cooper’s Westmoreland’s stash of money in Utah is to stick together.  The death of Veronica, one of the lead characters of the series in the season premiere also quite neatly shows us that no one is safe in this story, anyone, even Linc or Michael, could die at any time.  Brilliant, brilliant move to kill off one of my favorite characters on the series in such a great way.

Also, I’m glad that Dr. Sara survived her heroin overdose in last season’s finale.  Between her sadness and instability, Michael’s intense inscruitability and Horatio’s Linc’s newfound moral steadfastness, I think what we’ve got here is a remake of Hamlet by the way of The Great Escape.

Grade:  A+

This review was edited and slightly expanded since I first posted it.

The Emmys Were Worse Than I Feared, part 2 and a Half Men

August 27, 2006

Before I start thinking about my next screed on the sheer awfulness of this year’s Emmy’s I just gotta point out two instances of its idiocy:

The Office winning Comedy Series but losing Comedy Actor to Tony Shalhoub, who hasn’t displayed an honest emotion since the show fired Bitty Shramm.

24 and Kiefer winning Drama Series and actor, but losing supporting actor and actress to actors (Alda and Danner) who, unlike the deserving Itzin and Smart, failed to transcend their stories.  Alda and Danner’s inexplicable wins smack of reverse-ageism, IMO.

Still coming:  Part 3, where Rob loses it, but I’ve decided to go to sleep early tonight so that my subconscious can sharpen the knives more efficiently.

The Emmys Were Even Worse Than I Feared, Part 2

August 27, 2006

Megan Mullally winning over Jaime Pressley?!  No excuse.  None.  Period.

Warning:  Part 3 will be a screed, but it might take a day or two to come.

PS:  Save Bob Newhart!